I recently had a first date.
Even though that was more of an announcement, I assure you it will be integral to the story later on.
Like all good articles, this one starts off with a small anecdote of something I experienced this past week. I was standing in line to pick up a pastry at my local bakery when I overheard the cutest conversation between a mother ahead of me in line and her young daughter. The little girl was describing a young boy in class she had a crush on, going into adorable detail on how they hold hands and share lunches together. To top it all off, she said she loved him! Even though I did not say it out loud, that inner voice in my head definitely let out a nice “aww”.
As I witnessed this rather precious moment between mother and daughter unfold in front of me, I heard what sounded like a snort come from the counter. I looked up to locate the source of the sound and found that all of the baristas serving us were either smirking, laughing, or being down right douche bags as this little moonbeam of a child described her feelings for her classroom crush. What really made the situation worthy of my literary lashings was the young woman behind the register was audacious enough to lean over the counter and provide the young girl with this apparently sagacious advice, “Trust me sweetie, it’s not love.”
It would be inappropriate to say my generation is jaded when it comes to the concepts of love or finding love in society today. You can throw around words such as indifferent, surfeited, fatigued, but these simply do not do the truth of it all any sort of justice. If one were to describe it accurately, we are well beyond being jaded and are downright pessimistic cynics. My generation has devolved to a vast sea of sardonic egoists who balk at the idea of finding genuine connection or love with somebody.
Confident in the fact that genuine belief in love was a spark that has not completely faded in my peers, I asked a few of my friends if they believed in meeting that right person someday. Suffice to say I should have anticipated their reactions; I am still reeling with absolute astonishment that so few of them believe in finding true love. The worst part of it all was that I still had a first date looming in the distance, and this dialogue coupled with what happened at the bakery did not help buttress any positivity or optimism about having dinner with this girl.
With a weary heart and that signature pessimism of my generation, I went on the first date.
And lo and behold, it went well.
We talked, we had wine, we ate, we laughed, and then we had more wine.
The reason why I even mention having this date is because it allowed me to frame life.
Thinking about that nice dinner I had with a very lovely girl, I finally felt something I have not felt in a while. I felt that sense of elation, that excitement to start something new with someone equally as au courant.
Our generation may not feel love or faith in meeting that exact right person, but damn it why can’t we be excited? We are young, and there is a world brimming with new experiences that we can have with new people. You do not have to find that one perfect person to love, but I challenge my peers to love life. We are at a titular point in our lives, one that contains a perfect balance of youth and inexperience that allows us to learn more about the world as we learn more about ourselves.
Love the experience, love the dates good or bad, love those first kisses even though they may not be with the person you’ll spend the rest of your life with.
Be happy, and enjoy life, because it is too damn short to waste it on negativity.
Shout out to:carlpierre
Let me preface this article by saying that this was written with both men and women in mind, and I have attempted to broach this topic without bias but being a man I cannot fight a natural tendency to perceive my world through male eyes. With that said, enjoy.
It would be foolish to say that romance and the interactions between men and women are the same as it was in the past few decades. Even 40 years ago, how our two sexes coexisted was vastly different from the present. Due to the emergence of highly superior technology like cellphones and the internet as well as several eras worth of sexual understanding and exploration, the simple act of approaching a member of the opposite sex has developed a series of intricate unspoken rules and understandings.
To dive right into it, as men, I find our half of the species losing touch with the essence of what it means to be with a woman. Even when I meet a girl I like and know for certain she feels the same about me, I find that I’m forcing myself to abide by a ridiculous set of rules and ethos that for some reason all men abide by. I cannot text her unless she texts me, I must show the slightest interest but not too much because at all times she must know that she is into me more than I am into her, and I must feign a ridiculous level of aloofness which borders on purposely not picking up her calls to come across as not being “needy”.
Gentlemen, I have come to the conclusion that these mind games we force ourselves to exist by are both exhausting as well as unnecessary sources of stress and anguish in our lives.
It’s time we get in touch with what it meant to be men.
The romantic gesture is not a lost art, and I guarantee will impress a girl more than ignoring texts. As you walk together in the park, pull her aside and give her that kiss that knocks her off her feet and makes other couples jealous. Buy her flowers and chocolates because it’s a Wednesday and you felt like it. When you’re with her and she flashes you that smile that makes your heart race a little faster, grab her hand and hold it to your chest.
These small actions may seem insignificant and unnatural to what has been the “guy routine”, but believe me when I say they are measured by the twinkle in her eyes when she giggles and that uncontrollable smile she has when she’s with you. This is what real men do, and it beats ignoring phone calls.
To the ladies out there, know that that we’re men, and that we’re always trying harder.
I love working with people who can articulate this well.
Shout out to: carlpierre